Banned from zoo.
Again?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
