he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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