His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
