Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
