I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
