4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
