Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
