Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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