I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
