literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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