apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
