I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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