??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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