Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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