I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
