Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
