i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
