I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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