i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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