i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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