So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
