Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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