There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's always time for handjobs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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