I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
