I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
