I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
