margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
