I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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