He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
