There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
