You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
