Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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