I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
