I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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