My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
