do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
