According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
