So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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