i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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