My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mom said you looked used
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
