my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she woke up with a sticky ear
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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