yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
