The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
