I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Someone signed my nipple.
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