one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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