she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
