By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
