i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
