i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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