If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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