If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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