I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
