o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
