Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
