I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
